The Epiphany of Dorian Gray

     In life, many regard morality as something that is essential to every human being. Yet, there are also people who defy this natural ability to tell what is right or wrong; like in the novel The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde. Having read a small portion of this classic, I can definitely say that Oscar Wilde can be accounted as a disturbed individual. I believe his life experiences have been described in this story through Dorian Gray, the main character. Like the protagonist in this story, I believe Oscar Wilde suffered corruption of his soul. Through a unique story, he tries to convey to his readers that materialistic desires will only trap you deeper into the darkness of greed.

     Dorian Gray is introduced into the story as a pure, innocent, petulant adolescent boy. He had "kept himself unspotted from the world" with his youthful purity (Pg. 18). Almost everyone who laid eyes on Dorian Gray fell in love with his energetic self. He was definitely handsome, had perfectly shaped scarlet lips, crisp blue eyes, and refreshingly gold hair; Dorian was the definition of beauty. The artist who effectively captures his soul into canvas is Basil Hallward, who is also a Dorian worshiper. When Basil's old Oxford friend Lord Henry Wotton, too, is captivated by such a charming young fellow, he unknowingly makes it his mission to corrupt such a pure soul. Achieving his goal with a few convincing words, the unstable Dorian experiences an epiphany and begins to realize his real beauty, gained from youth. With a sudden change of heart, our esteemed protagonist becomes vain and following, the deterioration of his soul. Dorian is convinced by Lord Henry that youth is the most important thing in the world, especially for someone so enticing as him:

The common hill-flowers wither, but they blossom again... But we never get back our youth... We degenerate into hideous puppets... Youth! Youth! There is absolutely nothing in the world but youth!  (Pg. 25).

Now fearing the natural process of aging, Dorian makes a wrong decision and states that he would give everything, even his soul, to stay forever young; instead, his picture will grow old. Dorian becomes jealous of undying beauty and curses himself for the rest of his life. He will forever drown in his own hedonism as well as continue to strive for more and more handsomeness.

     The character Dorian Gray reminds me of the Queen in the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, based on the fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. The Queen has always been considered as the "fairest one of all", and was pleased. This is like when Dorian had no knowledge of his own beauty, but with a few persuasive arguments, he becomes self conscious about himself. He is alarmed by the everlasting youth captured by the painting done on him and begins to have an obsessive need for his own attractiveness. When the Queen knows of Snow White's exceeding beauty, she gets jealous and orders her huntsman to kill and bring her Snow White's heart. Both of their goals are to stay the fairest ones; as a result, they both "set death traps for themselves", so to speak, when they take action. The Queen disguises herself as an old lady, like how Dorian's painting shows how his soul decays as time passes and as his enchanting looks curse him forever.

     Though this book was not accepted at the time it was published, I am sure this story can apply to many people today. Dorian Gray displays strong amounts of greed and envy when he wishes the painting to change, and for him to stay what he is now. Overpowering his sense of morality, Dorian falls into his own trap, and therefore, his sin is shown through the painted picture of himself. There are no physical similarities between this book and real life, for it has some fantasy elements; for example, the picture that decays in Dorian's stead. I can compare this with my own greed and envy because sometimes, I don't think I can ever have enough of something, like how Dorian can't ever have enough of his beauty. I think Oscar Wilde tries to remind us that we need to be careful of what we wish for as well, because it just might happen. Dorian stays in his youth forever and we can also dream forever about what we can't have but ultimately, that is our downfall because there are just some things we need to let go of.

     I believe that in every book, there is something that one can learn from, whether it applies to the reader or not. To keep our sense of humanity, we avoid the truth until it is too late but with realization and help from friends, I believe we can overcome this obstacle. We will never have enough of what we want because there`s always going to be more to have. So as people with morality, we should be happy of what we have and beware of feelings that may eventually destroy us.

Momentary Affections

This short poem is for a special person that used to be in my heart. He is definitely a very romantic person, so to speak, and he seemed so perfect when I first "met" him. Though many regard him as a playboy, he's not a real person so should it really matter? Anyways, this is my poem for Valentine's Day, about a man named Lord Tiki Mik.


Couples are all I see
Wherever I may be
Shall I leave?
Or hide in grief?
Save me, somebody, please!

Gracefully gliding past me,
Our eyes met almost instantly.
This must be the one,
My heart weighted a tonne;
I've never met someone so dreamy.

Although it was just a moment,
I'm sure a smile cracked open.
Thump thump, thump thump,
My heart did jump.
And so did I in amazement.

Not noticing what he had done,
It happened so fast I was stunned.
He turned me around
While my books fell to the ground.
He gave me a hug, only one.

I hoped we would never part,
Because he had stolen my heart.
But only a dream,
I woke up, it seems
To a lonely day, again, shall start.

Although this fictional character has now changed, he still resides in my heart. When I first saw him, I characterized him as my ideal: strong, noble, manly, and so very elegant. It was a shame he wasn't a real person but knowing that there's still that one person out there that's destined for me, I will patiently wait for him.

The Gentle Twinkle of an Angel

     Life is full of challenges. Without them, there wouldn't be anything to work hard for; everything would be completed without effort. One example in my life was when I had my first piano competition. I was nine years old and I had no idea what I was going to face. I had only started to play piano for a couple of years;  I did not feel prepared at all. This fear within myself was one of the greatest challenges I faced in my life.
     As I crept into the ominous lobby, full of award winning certificates, all I heard was the gentle twinkling of the piano. I knew it was my teacher preparing for a nerve wracking hour of pain, torture, and suffering. Seeing that my hands were wet with cold perspiration, I put all my effort into calming myself as I breathed in the strong aroma of sweet lilies.
     Right away, I found that black, cushiony throne of terror and warmed up my fingers with some technical scales. I finally started my most feared lesson that passed me by every week. Obviously, my teacher knew that I didn't practice, for we only went through the pieces that I knew by heart. Even then, he still hit my fingers, due to a few awkward tones that were heard. After that horrendous hour, which felt like millions of years, my teacher gave my mom a piece of thin, long paper as they rambled on in their endless mumbles and cackles. My eyes felt droopy and dead with weight; I didn't have any more energy to pay attention.
     After we escaped that suffocating and monstrous house, my mom excitedly exclaimed, "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart! Your teacher just told me that you should apply for a competition that is coming up next month!".
     At that moment, my mind went blank and my eyes shot open as I remembered hearing the term, competition, many times, due to ballet. "What? Mom, I'm not ready yet; why do I have to do something like this?!"
     "It's for your own good! You'll get more experienced and when you get older, you won't have a problem at all!", was all she could spit out at that moment.
     I didn't dare talk back to her so I thought to myself, "Is that the only reply you know how to give me?"
     Persuasion was impossible once she used that tone of voice. This was one of her signature and default tones, the do it or else tone; therefore, I decided to try it out. It couldn't get any worse than this, or so I thought.
     When I got home, I started practicing right away, "Uh oh", I said to myself, "Why am I hitting all the wrong notes?". I kept trying to concentrate harder but that just made the situation worse. Mistakes were being made and scrunching my eyebrows in frustration wasn't helping. Suddenly, droplets of salt water streamed down my face, for I couldn't hold in my anger anymore. I don't know how long I cried but after a while, my dad popped his head into the room.
     "What's wrong?", he asked.
     "I have to compete in a couple of weeks and I can't play anything right!", I managed to blurt out.
     As I sat there, my dad tried to comfort me and told me not to get nervous. I stopped practicing that day and went to complete my homework instead; I also managed to harbour the inner dragon within me.
     For the next couple of weeks, I kept practicing after school that my hands eventually started to hurt. Half an hour of practice each week turned into an hour of hitting white and black keys each day. Though I got sick of it after a mere three days, I pushed myself to go over my limit. It was worthwhile though, because I finally felt like the competition was possible to face with confidence when the time came.
     That day, when we were in the car, going to the church hosting the competition, I couldn't hear anything but the thump of my heartbeat. I could feel blood pulsing in the veins of my head and I felt like my heart was going to hit the car seat in front of me. I could tell that my sister was looking at me but I didn't answer her. I could feel the droplets of cold wet anxiety slowly reaching my tailbone and shivered.
     The sky was nearly pitch black and even it held an eerie aura in the atmosphere, like something bad was going to happen. As I walked up those stone cold steps, I could already see that all the contestants felt exactly the way I did. After entering the building I might as well have called hell, the draft that came from the closing trap door seemed to push me closer to a table, where I had to sign in. Subsequent to getting the contestant number I had, I sauntered into the ghostly chapel and wondered if they kept dead people there. I felt like I was in Antarctica, for I could almost see the steam coming from my mouth as I breathed.
     After a while, I finally reached a warmer spot and prepared myself with a prayer. I asked the Lord with all my heart to play with me as I walked up to that glistening, jet black piano. The surface was glossy and smooth. Even if there were flaws, it couldn't be seen with the naked eye. I didn't think I was worthy of playing that piano but I had no choice, for God chose this to be the piano that I would play in that competition.
     I was the first one to perform. When I reached the stool that reached up to my hip, I bowed before climbing up the obstacle. After securing my behind to the seat, I adjusted it to the right height. Reaching for both ends of the instrument of charm and seduction, I was glad all the keys were within my reach. Then, I hit the very first sound that echoed through the deep chapel.
     Suddenly, the adjudicator leaned back. I thought to myself, "What? Is my playing that bad?". I expected her to be scribbling onto that paper of judgement that would haunt me for the rest of my life!
     I had no time to think about that though. All I could do now was play for my parents, God, and for everyone in the audience. All of a sudden, I felt as if something was looming over me. There was an unknown presence; it was so angelic as I finished my song. I had no idea everyone was clapping until that feeling was gone. I quickly bowed again and sat down beside the other contestants. I was so relieved that I was finished my competition.
     As I listened to the people who played after me, I could hear their technical perfection and it scared me. Their fingers flew all over the piano and I couldn't help but stare in astonishment. I lost all confidence and sighed in despair as all hope left me.
     When the time came, the adjudicator announced the placings but I wasn't at all looking forward to hearing who won until someone tapped me and pointed at the adjudicator.
     She repeated, "And first place goes to Danielle Lee." I didn't expect to place, let alone recieving first place!
     Everyone was so happy for me and I could not believe what had just happened. The adjudicator congratulated me with a medallion and I accepted it with humble happiness.
     I still can't believe what happened that day; it was a miracle. At that moment, I learned that mistakes shouldn't be dwelled upon. Instead, you should reflect on how you can change what may be wrong into something the audience can appreciate. For me, I had to shut everything out and express the song through my feelings. Also, since that day, I decided that it wouldn't really matter if I made mistakes in competitions, because you only get to see that group of people once. Finally, at one of the most crucial moments of my life, I overcame the challenge of fear within myself.